During the recent years of my life, which by the way have been the best, I've discovered a lot about myself. I've discovered I like myself. I've discovered that I'm content with just being the mom of one. I've discovered I like being a pastor's wife and a stay-at-home-mom. I've discovered that just because I'm not "using" my college education, I'm fine with that. But perhaps the most insightful discovery for me has been that I'm quite the control freak. In a major way. Not just a little control freak, a BIG control freak. And in the course of this discovery I've come to face the reality that I am not and could not possibly control everything I'd like to. Perhaps I'm such a control freak due to not being able to control much at all during my childhood. I have a childhood filled with horrible memories that have affected who I am today. When I was little, I was not able to control anything that happened to me...and a lot happened to me that I wish had not. Although I am delivered from the past, I feel that because of it I try to control too much now.
So, why am I writing about this? This past weekend several things were out of my hands that I think could have been done better or differently. I had to just sit idly by and watch the nightmare play out right before me. I found myself almost having an anxiety attack because I was not in a position where I could do anything about the situation. As my heart was beating and a sweat began to break out on my forehead, my husband looked at me and just kind of laughed. He knew what was going on inside my head. And as I sat there, the nightmare that I could not control turned out just fine. Different than it would have been if I would have been in control, but fine all the same. This reality hit me hard. It is hard for me to face the fact that I can't control everything...and if I don't control it...it probably will turn out just fine!
Planning is good. It is always better to be prepared than not. But too much obsessing can rule you. It can even become like a god in your life...as I feel at times it has in mine. This revelation has made me take a good, hard look at home schooling next year. I have a plan for Kameron. I have the times each activity needs to be done written and on a chart. I have what I want to accomplish for the day, week and month all neatly categorized. I want to control this and for it to work out in my fairytale dream. Reality...it probably won't. I'm sure there will be days when we get only a portion accomplished. I may have to change my plans and I may have to alter my expectations. And you know what? I think God used events like what happened this weekend to prepare me for this. He is showing me that He is in control. Not me. I need to, "lean not on [my] own understanding; in all [my] ways acknowledge him, and he will make [my] paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6.
Thank you God for preparing me to "let go and let God" as my mother always says!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
So, I guess you can call me a nerd. At one point in my life I would have been majorly offended, but now I am proud to wear the title. I have been planning a trip to Disney for my little family since last October! We have only 34 days left until our adventure begins, and I cannot wait! My husband has been making fun of me, because thanks to Tour Guide Mike, I have every minute of every day planned out! (Yes, even the potty breaks are planned). My notebook is getting so heavy I can hardly lift it. One of my biggest worries in life right now is how to get the notebook down to a park-manageable size I can deal with! I don't know if I'm more excited, or Kameron! I have been to Disney before, but not as a mother. For me, it is all about experiences for Kameron. I will be riding things and doing things that I have never done before...and hoping to see it through the eyes of my son. To give him this gift means the world to me. So, for now, I'll quit Disney-talking, but be prepared for pictures and plenty of words about our trip! TTFN! :0)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I get a daily devotional from a curriculum company that I sincerely enjoy reading (Daily Focus - from Alpha Omega Publications). It is uplifting and relates everything to homeschooling. This morning, I just can't help but share a portion of the devotional. As I start out on my homeschooling journey, I don't want to be daunted by the overwhelming task before me, but I want to find strength in God alone! I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength! I feel called to homeschool Kameron, and can't wait! Here is just a small glimpse of what I'm in for and what those who have been homeschooling already go through...
NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR HOMESCHOOL TEACHER:
Family seeking fun-loving, godly homeschool teacher. Applicant will be responsible for providing total educational development and daily personal care for children of multiple ages. Applicant will assume the following roles: cook, housemaid, nurse, taxi driver, administrative assistant, accountant, athletic coach, social director, computer technician, household and automotive repairman, gardener, course instructor in multiple subject areas and grade levels, and various other responsibilities. This is a full-time position — approximately 120 hours or more per week. Qualified candidates must be able to work well under pressure, multi-task, and prioritize work loads while maintaining a friendly, enthusiastic attitude. Quick thinking, good memory, and a varied background in extensive subject matter are a must. Promising candidates will be resourceful, adjust easily to distractions, and display creative, hard-working leadership abilities. Organizational and problem solving skills are a plus. Previous teaching experience and/or college preferred, but is not required. If you're interested in working in a fast-paced, ever-changing environment, this is the position for you! For more information on this exciting opportunity to earn fulfilling, one-of-a-kind rewards, please apply in person today.
I thank God for His will and His strength. I can't wait to begin my job!!